Happy Love Day. Did you have a nice day? Me too. Not only did I spend the afternoon dealing with my mother's anxiety attack (which happened to stem from my "overbearing personality", whatevs it was her decision to get me drunk at lunch), but now the T9 function on my blackberry is making it impossible to swear. On a poor day, I tend to end texts in a choice expletive. If I'm particularly angry, I'll type-and-send as quickly as possible, but see my phone likes to play this little trick where ''shit'' becomes ''shot'' and "fuck" becomes "puck". Now I don't mind a "Puck You" mix-up because I love a good Jonah reference as much as the next guy, but I do mind when a friend thinks I'm "taking a shot". I quit basketball in 6th grade thanks. These days, my athletic prowess lies mainly in metabolic functions.

For all you single ladies, a guide to happiness and restaurant sex: