THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND CLEAR UP WITH MY CHILD SELF
1.) There are no AIDS-infected needles hiding in phone booth coin return slots. Go start a safety coin-fund, you'll be happy you did when you're 22.
2.) Your pager is lame and none of your friends beep you anyway so throw it away or give it back to your dad.
3.) Quit bitching to mom and dad about wanting to follow your dumb 6th grade friends to public school. You have a hazy purple cloud looming over your pubescent years and you'll probs get jumped on the daily if you don't go to private school.
4.) Watch more TV. Shows of the 90's come up in way more conversations than any book.
5.) Your private parts will never "fall off".